painter's daughter (a work in progress)

Fly your Flag

September 9, 2013by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment

Twenty two years ago, I set out in hope of making it on my own. I ventured out on wobbly legs, believing with all my heart that I would be able to stand. In my naiveté, I thought I could move one thousand miles away and fully tackle life. I thought I would be fine away from my mom, away from my dad, and away from everything I knew. Because I had my friend. And we were seeking what every teenager yearns for… freedom. I thought that I’d find freedom in a place called Fort Lauderdale, Florida. But since I didn’t have much of a plan, my stay lasted just short of two months. Before I knew it, I realized that Florida was not the land of the free. At least for me.

It’s one evening in particular that comes to mind. A night that was telling in every way. See, I came home to my apartment late, only to find it filled with at least sixty people. Each room was filled, and there was quite a party in full swing. And so, I did what most eighteen year old girls would do… I joined in. However, things became a little loud. People started to filter through the whole complex, congregating in the stairwells and using the pool. There were arguments and fire alarms were pulled. And it’s not surprising that the police made an appearance. But I didn’t want to talk to them. I wasn’t equipped to. I was underage and I had been drinking. I was scared. However, when the police demanded to speak to someone whose name was on the lease, that task fell to me… a frightened, ignorant eighteen year old who had gotten herself into a predicament. Frankly, I didn’t know what to do about it. And you know, I really don’t recall much of the conversation between me and the police officers. Only one statement is clear. I cried out, “I’m from Virginia! I don’t know anything!” And now, I just have to laugh at that. What was I thinking? What kind of answer is that? I don’t know anything… Miraculously, I wasn’t taken to jail that night. And truth be told, I probably should have been.

Yes, my time in Florida is what I thought of this morning. And in the remembering… I see a picture of a naïve, young girl. Although she was ignorant in many ways, she set out courageously. However, she found out rather quickly that she was not equipped to be on her own. Not then. She wasn’t ready for the freedom she sought, and her own words proclaimed the truth… “I don’t know anything!” And so this is the statement that plagues me this morning. I am struck with the realization that in truth, not much has changed. I may be twenty-two years older than that young girl who set off on an adventure, but this morning I see… I don’t know anything!

Over the past week, I’ve explored pleading the fifth (keeping silent) and pleading Jesus (confessing with your mouth). But now, I realize there’s something else I’ve been pleading over time. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been pleading ignorance. At least in one particular arena. At all costs, I avoid politics, and current affairs, and the other hot issues of our day. Because I prefer to play it safe. If I see something controversial posted on Facebook, I dare not share it. Because what would people think of me? Or, because I’m so ignorant with regard to a certain topic, I stick my head in the sand rather than face it head on. Pretty cowardly when I think about it. But I’ve always had an excuse. I use ignorance. I justify not saying anything because I don’t know enough about a subject to address it. In essence, I plead, “I don’t know anything!” Just as that eighteen year old girl did long ago. But that’s not good enough for a forty year old woman. The reality is, it’s time to grow up. The reality is, it’s time to take responsibility. The reality is everything that we’ve heard since growing up is true… change begins with you! Take a stand! Do something!

My thoughts? God’s word says, “To him who has, more will be given; but to him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away.” Mark 4:25. And so this morning, I wonder… what about freedom? Does this verse apply to freedom, too? We’re told we live in the land of the free, but at times, it feels that we’re helpless to do anything. It’s supposed to be we the people for the people, but it seems as if it’s a few people for certain people. Today, I feel threatened. As an American citizen, I feel a bit fearful of what the future holds. Because God’s word says a house divided cannot stand. What about our country? See, it was founded as one Nation under God, but now, America is many nations under many gods. Can our country stand? Will it?

Here’s the truth about me. I have taken my freedom for granted. I take my rights for granted. I take the United States of America for granted. Because I’ve been too comfortable. I leave all the political stuff to other people, because my life hasn’t been messed with much. I feel stable and somewhat secure, and by other countries’ standards, I’m rich. I’m doing just fine. But what about other people?

I have freedom… for today. Today, I can say what I want and I can worship God without the fear of being persecuted. But what about tomorrow? Because I see these freedoms being taken away bit by bit. And that alarms me. See, I wonder if what takes place in other countries can really take place here. Because the truth is, on other continents, Christians are murdered. Did you know this? There are those who believe in Jesus Christ, and if they choose to stand for Him (to fly their flag, so to speak), they can be maimed, burned and slaughtered. Because of what they believe! Have you ever heard that? Why isn’t this front-page news? What’s taking place in Syria is horrible. It’s tragic and scary! But the reality is these things happen every single day. Every day people are killed for different causes, but the media chooses to report only what they deem important. It appears that Christians being murdered is not high on the list.

This week, something has come alive inside me. And I believe it’s called patriotism. After all this time. I am forty years old. Why the delay? Have I been too selfish? Too inward focused? Am I just now arising from a deep slumber? Or is it the threat to our country, and realizing that I’m at the mercy of what our leaders decide to do. It seems as if it’s their decision, not mine. And that scares me. Is it still “we the people, for the people.” Is it still my country tis of thee, sweet land of liberty….

Our fathers’ God to Thee,

Author of liberty,

To Thee we sing.

Long may our land be bright,

With freedom’s holy light,

Protect us by Thy might,

Great God our King.

Freedom. It’s ours today. But we cannot sit by idly. We must fly our flags. And not just on flag poles. We the people must stand for what we believe in. Do you know what you believe in? I mean really know for certain? Are you impassioned for a cause? And if so, are you flying your flag? As for me, I no longer wish to plead ignorance. I don’t know anything is a poor excuse when freedom is at risk. My saying, “I don’t know anything,” is to surrender. And I love my country. I have a voice. And I will raise it… for America. I shall fly her flag. Proudly. Freedom will be my cry.

The Lampstand

September 6, 2013by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment

“Is a lamp brought in to be put under a basket or under a bed? Isn’t it to be put on a lampstand? For nothing is concealed except to be revealed, and nothing hidden except to come to light. Mark 4:21-22

My sister-in-law had a pastor who used to say, if you’re not doing anything for the cause, then take down your Christian flag. I understand what he means here. He’s saying that if the way you live your life doesn’t align with Christ, then don’t fly your flag. Don’t proclaim that you’re His if what you do brings dishonor to His name. Because your testimony will leave an impression on someone. Good or bad. How we decide to conduct ourselves will touch another’s life in some form or fashion. Each action we take through the course of our lives makes up our testimony. Our lives are our witness.

And there have been several times that I’ve questioned what I’m doing here. See, I am a woman. And I am overly sensitive (my husband can attest to that). I will take what someone says to me, and analyze it, and stew on it… and if it doesn’t jibe right – then I let it get me down. If I take a remark as criticism, I begin to doubt what I’m doing. And so, today, I wonder… Am I doing the right thing here? Because if you were to read through all the posts I’ve written, quite a few pertain to struggle. And I wonder – does that honor my Lord? Or, am I bringing dishonor to His name. Am I His credible witness? Or should I take down my Christian flag because my life just doesn’t align with His. I wonder…

I’ve titled this spot “The truth about God & me.” And I think in the very beginning, there may have been some “fluff.” I’d have to go back and read to be certain, but you know, there are some places you just don’t want to go. Some things may be better left alone… skimmed over or ignored. Because as a Christian, shouldn’t your life reflect nothing but light and glory and victory and peace and goodness and love? As a Christian, shouldn’t your light be shining bright to point out all the good there is in following Christ? As a Christian, shouldn’t your life be chock full of the fruits of the Spirit? But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22

The truth is, there should be. As a child of God, I should be loving and joyful and peaceful and patient and kind and all that other stuff. But you know what… I’m not there yet! I emphasize yet. I believe this is the whole point of my blogging. See, I’ve heard some phenomenal testimonies in my time. I have heard stories of those who found Jesus, and they did a complete 180, and they haven’t been the same since. And that’s wonderful. But sadly, this is not so with me. I am a Christian woman, I have no doubt. But the truth is, I hold to my old stuff. For the flesh is hard to overcome. My testimony is one of struggle, for I battle idols and hatred and strife and jealousy and selfish ambitions and factions among many other things. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Romans 7:19.

There’s a line from a movie that I like… there sits a man in the witness stand and an attorney hammers him, demanding the truth. Jack Nicholson’s voice rings out, “You can’t handle the truth!” Truth. It’s what we all want, right? Truth. It’s what can set one free. Truth. It’s what God demands of His people, for He desires truth in inward parts. Psalm 51:6. The 100% truth about God & me is that I struggle. And there are places that I cannot go yet in writing about Him. For I haven’t made it there yet.

A brother in Christ exhorts me to get the Bride mentality. But I can’t yet. Because the head knowledge has not made it to my heart yet. At least with regard to my being loved and cherished as a precious bride. I know He loves me, for His word tells me so. But for now… today… I have experienced God in other ways. He is my Heavenly Father, and He provides for me. I’ve experienced this. He is my wonderful Counselor and He guides me. I have experienced this. He is the still voice and speaks, for I have experienced this. He has a plan for my life. I know. I’ve experienced His hand maneuvering the seconds and minutes of my day. But cherished… by God? My head says yes, but my heart registers it not.

Another truth? I fancy myself a prophet. Because I love to proclaim God’s word and I want to encourage others. And for the longest time, I thought my mission was to proclaim freedom. But through the course of blogging, I had the shocking realization that I cannot do this! For how can one enslaved proclaim freedom? How can I help free captives when I am not free myself. Imprisoned by bars of my own making. Thus, I don’t feel free! And no doubt, I am not the only one. I am not the only one. I am not the only one. There are others… Christians… who have not experienced the freedom that is available to us through Christ. Why is that?

The truth about God & me, is I have far to go. And I am not the only one. Why fly this Christian flag of mine? Because I want women like me to know… there’s hope. I know my God is real. He speaks to me. He leads me. He provides for me. And I have no doubt that He’s leading me to that elusive freedom. He’s taking me by the hand and trying to convey to me how much he loves me. He’s been trying to show me this whole time. He wants me to know the truth. I can handle the truth. And the truth is, I’ve been bound. I am held by traditions and by rules and by regulations that were set forth by man long ago. I have been trying to adhere to all the things I think I should be doing… but Galatians 5 is clear. Christ has liberated us into freedom. Do not submit again to the yoke of slavery, for you are called to freedom!

The truth about God & me is that I am bound to law. But according to Galatians 5:14, the law can be fulfilled in one statement: Love your neighbor as yourself. And I’ve read that love covers a multitude of sin. Love and freedom. That’s what I want. I’m seeking it with all my heart, but for some reason, it eludes me. And from what I understand, it’s there for the taking. It’s free. This is part of my struggle. But you know what? I found something precious through God’s word not long ago… it gives me great hope.

The boy Samuel served the LORD in Eli’s presence. In those days the word of the LORD was rare and prophetic visions were not widespread. One day Eli, whose eyesight was failing, was lying in his room. Before the lamp of God had gone out, Samuel was lying down in the tabernacle where the ark of God was located. Then the LORD called Samuel, and he answered, “Here I am.” 1 Samuel 3:1-3

Samuel served the LORD, but at first, he never had a personal word from God. See, his mother had prayed for that boy, and she promised that if she gave birth, she’d give that boy to God. And so, Samuel was committed to the LORD before he even really knew Him. He began to serve because that’s what he was brought up to do. And as he lie near the ark of God, he heard a voice. It was God, but Samuel didn’t even recognize who was calling. Here is a boy who had been in service of the LORD, but he didn’t even know God’s voice when it came. But God didn’t stop after one time…

To me, this is a picture of us today. I think we begin doing and serving before we even know why we’re doing what we do. I think we take on tasks that we perhaps are not even meant to do. Because we haven’t heard from the LORD yet. We haven’t heard His call. And because we can become so distracted by busyness, we further alienate ourselves from Him. We bypass relationship with our Creator because we just get too busy. And His voice is a still, small voice. In our noisy lives, can we hear Him when He calls? Will we even recognize His voice amidst the clamor we encounter every day…

Why do I fly my flag if I’m so flawed? Maybe it’s because of the passage of 1 Samuel. Because within those verses, I see light. I see hope. There’s power in those words… Before the lamp of God had gone out. See, the lamp was still lit when God called to Samuel. And if we’re His, we have God’s lamp inside. It’s lit. There are those who have encountered the fullness of God’s love and their blaze is burning bright. And there are those who have broken free of the prison of their own making, and their flame beckons others to follow. But for some… there may only be a pilot light. And the good news is, the lamp of God has not gone out. There’s still time. And in my walk with God, I think this is me. There may only be a pilot light burning right now, but the truth is… it’s still on. No, I am nowhere near where I should be. But I am on my way. I am on my way. That’s why I fly my flag. Because… I am not the only one. No, I am not the only one. And that’s encouraging to me. I am not the only one…

We have his light in us. Some shine more brightly than others. But in a dark world, just a spark will do.

… and her lamp never goes out a night. Proverbs 31:18

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=light+of+mine+&qpvt=light+of+mine+&FORM=VDRE#view=detail&mid=7AEE361A71CF83429B977AEE361A71CF83429B97

The Witness Stand

September 5, 2013by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment

I think it’s no accident that I’m a legal assistant. I used to work in a law firm, but now, I work from home. My employer is an attorney, so needless to say, he knows the rules. My boss knows most of the laws, and the difference between right and wrong. He no longer practices law through a law firm, but rather, he serves as a mediator. Basically, he steps in as an arbitrary party and listens to the different sides of a case. He counsels the parties, and tries to facilitate a settlement before the matter reaches trial. It’s a good thing. A noble calling. My boss tries to help people resolve issues. And from what I hear, he does a good job.

And so, my being a legal assistant and working for an attorney seems natural. See, although I broke some rules growing up, I have always been a rule follower deep down. I was the one who followed the crowd, but always, there was a piece of me that feared the consequences of my actions. Although I tried to blur the lines a time or two, I could never completely cross over the line that separates right from wrong. And in contemplating my inflexibility, I get tickled when I think about my time in the Air Force. It was during our technical training (a little looser than basic training, but still many rules to follow), when my girlfriend had a good laugh at my expense. See, you were supposed to march everywhere you went. However, only if there were two or more people. Once, I had to go back to the dorms at lunchtime… all by myself. And do you know that because I was so scared of breaking the rules, I marched back to the school… all by myself. This in itself was against the rules, because you cannot be in formation when there is only one! At any rate, my friend had stayed behind during the lunch break, and she told me she could see me coming from afar. For she witnessed my rigidity, stiffly performing facing movements as I maneuvered across the air field. And although she couldn’t make out my face, she just knew it had to be me. Because she knew of my fear of breaking the rules, she could spot me a mile off.

Yes, I am a legal assistant, my employer is an attorney, and I like to follow the rules. So not surprisingly, I love the TV show Law & Order. In great anticipation, I listen… “In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups… the police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders.” Actually, this comes from the criminal intent version of the show, and I prefer SVU. But I digress… Law & Order. I like law and order in my life, and I like law & order in the show. I am a woman who needs the law, and I can assure you, I crave order. I want to know the rules so I can follow them. I want to know black from white and right from wrong. And as much as I tried to be a free-spirit in my youth, this is my true nature.

Since I have been a legal assistant for at least ten years now, and since I have a love of the Law & Order series on TV, I find it absolutely astonishing that I am just now picking up on some of the legal terms I am seeing in Scripture. Oh, not the more obvious ones… There is the Law. God’s Law. It’s what His people followed through Old Testament times. And Jesus Christ is the fulfillment of that law (Matthew 5:17). But here lately, I’ve been seeing some more subtle terms…

Isaiah 43:10: “You are my witnesses,” says the LORD. Today, witnesses are called to the witness stand… the place occupied by a person giving testimony in a court of law. It’s in Hebrews 12 that I find I am surrounded by a cloud of witnesses… God’s people are His witnesses. It’s Psalm 50 that displays God as Judge, for from on high He issues His summons to heaven and earth so that he can judge His people. It is God Himself who will testify against the wicked. And what does that word wicked mean? It means criminal, guilty one, one guilty of crime. And who in the Bible is wicked? Esau and Cain, for one murdered outright, and the other held murder in his heart. In God’s eyes, hate is hate whether it’s acted upon or not. And if one harbors hate, she makes both God and herself a liar. The one who stores up hate is not a credible witness. And the one who unleashes her tongue for evil and deceit, this one is wicked. So God Himself will lay out the case before the wicked.

Yes, in my trial by the light of God’s fire, the case has been laid out against me. And I’m so surprised to find myself sitting here… in the witness stand of God’s court. Me. A rule-follower. The woman who needs law and order has broken God’s law. Thus, my life is disorderly. For it’s clear that I’ve neglected to adhere to God’s Law of Love and His perfect Law of Liberty (Romans 14). Restitution must be made for my sins. He is right when He passes sentence, and He is blameless when He judges (Psalm 51:4). So, He sits and He waits. For me. Dare I admit my guilt? My heart, which is pierced by conviction, is evidence of my guilt. So shall I speak up and confess? Or will I remain silent? What about the Miranda rights… do they apply here? Do I have the right to remain silent because anything I say or do may be used against me. Do I have the right to consult an attorney before speaking. Or can I plead the fifth? For I know that anything I say in my defense will only further implicate me. What can I do?

For there is one God and one mediator between God and man, a man, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself-a ransom for all, a testimony at the proper time. 1 Timothy 2:5-6

And then, I remember. I made a confession long ago. And it’s only through that confession that I am saved from God’s judgment today. For Romans 10:9 says that I must confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord! I don’t have to plead the fifth today, for I pled Jesus years ago! And the truth is, it’s only His testimony that stands in God’s court. Because for the life of me, I cannot get it right. Not all the time. I fall short, and by the grace of God, I have an advocate. I have One who sits at the right hand of God and intercedes on my behalf. And you know, I also have someone else, for I have a Counselor.

Nevertheless, I am telling you the truth. It is for your benefit that I go away, because if I don’t go away the Counselor will not come to you. If I go, I will send Him to you. When He comes, He will convict the world about sin, righteousness, and judgment… John 16:7-8

It is God’s Holy Spirit inside me that guides me in all truth (John 16:13). He is my attorney who comes alongside me… to guide and to help, to counsel and protect. In reality, it is God’s Spirit that leads me. He is the line and lets me know when I cross over from right into wrong. He is the reason I find myself on trial today, for He convicts my heart. But also, He is the One that reminds me of the truth… Jesus. Because Jesus already paid the price for my crime, I don’t have to. And so, I shall be released. I will walk away from this… a free woman. For my record has been expunged.

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12

Trial by Fire

September 4, 2013by Pam Anderson2 Comments

But if I say, “I will not mention his word
or speak anymore in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot. Jeremiah 20:9

About a month ago, I was on fire… for God. I wanted to speak on His behalf. I wanted to be His witness. I wanted to glorify God through my words… and so, I typed out messages via blog format. This was my method of testimony. And I thought I was doing what I was supposed to. I was on a specific track headed in a certain direction. I was leaving darkness behind as I was entering His light. And then, I reached the destination of God’s Ten Commandments. His law set in stone. God’s words etched onto a tablet of rock by His very, own finger. And those tablets of stone were then placed inside the Tabernacle. God’s words were kept in the Holy of Holies, placed inside the ark of the covenant, which is also referred to as the ark of the testimony. There’s that word again… testimony.

I thought I knew where I was headed next. See, words swirled through my brain ready for blog format. I was ready to testify. I thought I was God’s girl… His witness. I wanted to magnify the difference between then and now. I wanted to proclaim that long ago, God’s words were etched in tablets of stone housed in God’s dwelling place – the tabernacle. But today, God’s words are housed in His new dwelling place… His chosen people. And His words are etched onto tablets of flesh… the heart. I wanted to show that God’s living word is lifted off the pages of Scripture, and nestled deep into our hearts. The words of the living God… living inside us… living inside of me. I thought I was ready. I believed I was a credible witness. My heart was right, and my motives were pure… or so I thought.

“The heart is deceitful above all things,
And desperately wicked;
Who can know it? ” Jeremiah 17:9

It was just over a month ago that I was halted in my tracks. God’s words leapt off the pages and I cringed when I realized they were meant for me. “What right do you have to recite My statutes and to take My covenant to your lips? You hate instruction and turn your back on My words.” Psalm 50:16-17. I couldn’t believe my eyes. How could this be? I was testifying for God. I was telling the truth. I was typing out messages about His words. What had I done wrong? But then, after I let His words simmer, they penetrated my heart. See, Hebrews 4:12 is true: “For the word of God is living and effective and sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as to divide soul, spirit, joints, and marrow; it is a judge of the ideas and thoughts of the heart.” The heart. The very place I was ready to testify of… the innermost part of my being where God’s word is housed is what tripped me up. My heart. Deceitful above all things and wicked. My heart… chambers that I thought were pure were instead tainted… filled not with God’s word but something else entirely.

You know… there’s a small church down the road from me. I’ve passed it about a gazillion times. And on the sign out front, you can read, “A half-truth is a whole lie.” That sign has carried the same message for at least three months now. The first time I saw it, I thought it was pretty good. See, there are people out there who need to know that. Other people… not me. But now, after reading it one gazillion and one times, I know it must be just for me. And until I understand this truth, perhaps it will linger there – mocking me each time I pass. I have to get this right.

You see, it was sometime back that the word “liar” kept staring back at me from the pages of Scripture. I tried to address it. But mostly, I just skimmed over it. Because I don’t lie. I don’t tell lies! But you know what… God’s word tells me otherwise. If we say, “We have no sin,” we are deceiving ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we say, “We have not sinned,” we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.” 1 John 1:8, 10. Liar. I am a liar in that I don’t recognize my sin. And not only that, by not seeing me as I really am, I make Him a liar, too. And this cannot be.

Sounds desperate, doesn’t it. But there is good news… the fact is, I am God’s girl. And the truth is, I am on fire. And what’s occurring in my life is only natural. Because the closer I get to God’s fire, the more of me will be burned away. For through this journey called life, I find that my faith is being tried (1 Peter 1:7). It was Peter who wisely said to Jesus’ followers, “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you…” 1 Peter 4:12. The dross is being burned away. And for today, while the ashes still smolder inside, I cannot help but think of “Liar, Liar, pants on fire.” But tomorrow… tomorrow will be another story. For I am being purified by the Refiner’s fire. And what’s left will be golden and true. When the bitter envy and resentment and hate go up in smoke, only God’s word will remain. And then, when only His words fill my heart, I can testify. I can be His witness. And my testimony will be credible. I shall recite His statutes, for…

…his word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in;
indeed, I cannot. Jeremiah 20:9

Can I get a Witness?

August 27, 2013April 7, 2014by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment

There’s a song that moves me… an oldie but a goodie by Grand Funk Railroad called Some Kind of Wonderful. I love the beat and I love the lyrics. The singer laid it all out there about that woman of his… he testified of her goodness, of her sweetness, and of her lovingness. Well… simply put, she was just clean out of sight. That woman was some kind of wonderful. And really, that singer couldn’t ask for anything more… because through that woman of his, he found everything a man could ask for. And he wanted to know… was there anyone else out there who had a woman like her? And then comes the best part of the song (at least in my opinion). The band cries out, “Now can I get a witness?” Yes, indeed. Was there a witness in the house? Could they find somebody else… anybody else… who could testify?

It was some time ago that I had great passion for singing. Not that I could or can… it’s just that it was my hobby. One of the greatest Christmas presents I ever received was a karaoke machine. And from that day on, for a period of about three or four years, that’s what you would find me doing on a Friday night. A fly on my wall would have witnessed me belting out songs for no less than two hours before my TV. And more often than not, my one woman show spilled over to three hours. I just loved to sing. And Some Kind of Wonderful usually made my song list.

Yes, I loved karaoke more than anything back then. And when the opportunity presented itself – a chance to sing in front of a live audience – my husband was bound and determined I would do so. He had heard me talk about it so often, he was going to force me to go up on stage. And if I wouldn’t pick the song, then he was going to do it for me. And so, I made a choice. Among others (it was a slow night), I selected Some Kind of Wonderful. That song, I could do, for I knew the words by heart. And so, as I took the stage and looked out on that small crowd, I let everyone know that this one was for my baby (referring to my husband). I changed all the “hers” and “she’s” to “his” and “he’s”, and laid it all out there about my husband. That man of mine was some kind of wonderful, and everyone who had ears knew it. Towards the end of the number, I sang out, “Now, can I get a witness?” And after it was all over, the DJ said even he was beginning to believe that guy was some kind of wonderful. And that’s a fact I can testify to. He’s my man, and he’s still some kind of wonderful today.

So… here’s my point. I love a particular song, and I can testify to that because it’s truth to me. It’s real, and you will believe me when I say I love it. It’s apparent. And karaoke… love it. Love to sing. Anyone who knows me well knows that I love karaoke, despite my being unable to sing. My husband can testify to that because he witnessed countless shows. And I love my husband… I can give testimony to that. I love him, and anyone who knows me knows that I love my husband. I can testify about the song, and I can testify about my love for music and karaoke, and I can testify about my love for my husband. And I’m a credible witness because all of that is real to me. BUT… what about God? What about Him?

Is my testimony about God as credible as the other things I testify of? Can I speak of the LORD with all sincerity, and my witness be as true? And if so, do I? Can I? Or perhaps the question is… will I? Is God looking down on His creation just waiting for someone… anyone… to testify. Can I be that witness? Can I tell of His goodness, and His sweetness, and His lovingness? Is He there waiting for me to tell someone about how clean out of sight He is? For God already knows He is some kind of wonderful, but do I? Really? Can I testify? See, the truth is, I am complete in Him (Colossians 2:10). I couldn’t ask for anything more, for I have everything a woman could ask for. I know this. He knows this. Is He looking down on me wondering what holds me back? Is He looking at all His creation wondering, why aren’t they? Is He shouting out to His people – to anyone who will hear Him – Can I get a witness???? Anyone?

Yes, God is great. God is good. He is majestic and holy. He is forgiving and kind. And He loves us. Oh, how He loves us. Will I be so bold as to testify to this? Am I believable? Am I a credible witness? Because that’s what He wants from us. He wants for us to testify of what we know, but first, He has to be a part of our lives. Before we can testify about Him, we need to know Him. Because we simply cannot testify of that which we do not know. So… do you know Him? Can you testify? Come on now… He’s waiting. He’s calling out…

Now, can I get a witness…

And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

He’s back!

August 27, 2013by Pam Anderson1 Comment

For anyone who read yesterday’s blog – Otis is BACK! Apparently, he enjoyed an all-nighter… shining bright as he traversed through the dark. 🙂

A Tale of Two Kitties

August 26, 2013by Pam Anderson6 Comments

I may or may not have two cats. One is safe in the house, but the other is nowhere to be seen. It was yesterday at 5:00 that he lay stretched out across my deck in the sunshine. He slowly washed his paws and looked as if he were going to take a nap. And, we left our home expecting to see him when we returned. But last night, there was no flash in the dark… no reflected light off his white tufts of fur. He did not bound up the back yard toward us, which was his usual routine. And so, this morning, my heart is heavy – wondering if I will see him again.

I can’t help but contrast my two kitties, Otis and Molly. For they are different in every way. Otis is young, and Molly is old. Otis is skinny and Molly is fat. He is full of life and energetic, and she is heavy and content to sleep. He delights us every day with his antics, while she is usually nowhere to be seen. He stays outside, and she stays inside. He is a lover of adventure, and she is a lover of the dark. He is highly visible, jumping and leaping and hunting and climbing. She stays covered and hidden and scurries and flees. He is fearless and she is fearful. Basically, Otis uses what he has, and Molly does not. And as of this morning, she is here… and he is not.

Yesterday morning, my pastor preached a sermon using the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25). And believe it or not, it’s my two kitties that bring this parable to light for me. See, although the passage stresses using money wisely to further the kingdom of God, it goes deeper than that. It doesn’t have to be money, it could be anything… the abilities and the talents and the gifts that God has bestowed upon us. And it was Matthew 25:29 that nearly knocked me over yesterday. Because it happens to be identical to a verse I pointed out to my husband earlier that morning – only it was Mark 4:25. “For whoever has, to him more will be given; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him.” I told my husband, we need to embrace what we have! Little did I know that I would be hearing more about it at church. And I didn’t realize how personal the sermon was going to be… a message from God directly to me.

He also said to them, “Is a lamp brought in to be put under a basket or under a bed? Isn’t it to be put on a lampstand? For nothing is concealed except to be revealed, and nothing hidden except to come to light. If anyone has ears to hear, he should listen!” Then He said to them, “Pay attention to what you hear. By the measure you use, it will be measured and added to you. For to the one who has, it will be given, and from the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away.” Mark 4:21-25

This morning, I wanted to see if Mark 4:25 is the same parable that I find in Matthew 25. But it’s not… and it’s the passage in Mark that really brought all this together for me. The parable in Matthew along with the book of Mark completes the picture, and what I find is Molly. She is truly a night-time kitty. Occasionally, you’ll find her during the day, but more often than not, when the sun rises… she’s gone. She’s just too skittish. Years ago, her favorite refuge was our bed. All you could see of her was a lump in the center where she had burrowed down deep under the covers. She stayed hidden. And today, you may catch a glimpse of her tail as she scurries down the steps to the basement. Or maybe if you peer under the beds, you’ll find her shining eyes staring back at you. Or perhaps you’ll find her in her newest hang-out, which we discovered recently when we heard a racket behind the closed doors of our closet. Yes, Molly is a lover of darkness, and will stay hidden most of the day. But, she is making progress. When it’s just me at home, she may venture out into the daylight. But generally, I’ll see her once the sun has set and quietness has settled on our home. This is when she emerges and graces me with her presence. And when I see her, I am delighted by her black fur, her huge eyes, and her big fat belly that nearly touches the ground, swaying back and forth as she scampers from here to there. She’s 14 years old now, so she hasn’t kept her sleek physique. The picture of her is from long ago…

You know… I talk about Molly being a lover of the dark, but in reality, I am the same way. In truth, I have been clinging to the dark every bit as much as she does. I know this to be reality because not that long ago, God showed me something so hideous. Actually, it was just after I made the decision to take a break from blogging. I thought I knew why I was taking a step back, but now, I’m pretty sure I hadn’t a clue. For there was something within me I wasn’t fully aware of at the time. See, on August 1, I said to myself, no more writing! But it was not till August 2 that God revealed what lie beneath… and that is what needed to come to the surface. For as the Lord says, nothing is concealed except to be revealed, and nothing hidden except to come to light…

Through the course of my blogging experience, I have often referred to my struggle with darkness. I’ve surreptitiously referred to it as an issue, a pattern, or even a stronghold – always careful – always tiptoeing around the word sin. But sin is sin, and darkness is darkness, and the pages of Scripture leave no trace of doubt in my heart:

The one who says he is in the light but hates his brother is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother remains in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness, walks in darkness, and doesn’t know where he’s going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. 1 John 2:9-11

This is the truth about God & me. I love Him the best I know how. I have been seeking Him the best I know how. But there is a part of me that I’ve been holding back… clinging to the hate that resides deep down. I have been stoking the fire for years. And as long as I hold to hate… there will be darkness. This is what I’ve been trying to process for the past three weeks. And for the life of me, some stuff remains in my heart. I’m trying… I really am. And so, I am like Molly… my black kitty who is a lover of the shroud of darkness. She hides out and runs away. She stays concealed, because it’s safe to her. The bulk of her life has been spent in darkness. And me, too…

And then there’s Otis. I don’t know that he’ll return to me and my heart aches. But you know… in one short year, he has lived a full life. He has lived so much more than Molly, for he has experienced a world she will never know. This cat called Otis has embraced life. He has let his light shine in view of anyone who would give him audience. He used what God gave him… with claws as sharp as needles, he scaled great heights and saw further than Molly ever will. With legs as fast as lightning, he covered distances that Molly will never know. With courage the size of Texas, he explored the wilderness behind our home… woods in which Molly will never travel. With the fury of a skilled hunter, he took down countless foes and laid them as gifts upon our doorstep. Otis was a burning lamp, and he did not hide his light under a basket. He used what he had. And Molly? Why, she hides herself away, nestled down in the safety of her darkness – which is her only reality. Molly may never embrace the light, but Otis fully did.

And then, there’s me. I am a work in progress. So much like Molly, but with all my heart, I want to be like Otis. Like him, I want to embrace the light. I want to shine the light. And more than anything, I want to use what God gave me. And so, not long ago, I ventured out. But too quickly, like a scared animal, I tucked my tail up under my body and retreated back into hiding. But alas, there are truths that must be shared. There are things within me that must come out. For they’ve been there so long – buried deep, festering and brewing and bubbling in the dark. But like a volcano erupts forth in violence, so has my heart. And ever since, the lava of wrath has been pouring forth – emptying itself so that no darkness remains. Everything I thought better hidden… everything that held me captive… has finally presented itself to the light. See, I have been chasing the light. I’ve been writing about it, and reaching for it. And now, I can really see…

I thought that morning light had fully broken over my soul. But like one who emerges from the heaviness of sleep, I rub my tired eyes and face the truth. And now I know… what I thought was the fullness of morning light was really just the faintest glimmer of the dawn. But morning light is on the horizon. The darkness of hate shall be left behind. And Otis? He may turn up yet. For he may be out there right now… simply using what God gave him to use… a lamp shining bright.

Everything exposed by the light is made clear, but what makes everything clear is light. Therefore it is said: Get up, sleeper, and rise up from the dead, and the Messiah will shine on you. Ephesians 5:13-14

Something greater

August 1, 2013August 1, 2013by Pam Anderson3 Comments

Three years ago, I turned to God. In a way I never had before. Sincerely and wholly. I was desperate for Him. And then the miracle took place. God answered my prayer, and He sent me to my homeland. It was what I wanted more than anything. And upon entrance into what I considered the “promised land,” I found a dry and desolate place instead. I walked straight into the wilderness, spiritually speaking. And so, God gave me my greatest desire, but there was leanness in my soul. And so… two years ago, I again turned to God. Just as the first time, I was desperate for Him. And once again, a miracle took place. I began to find Him. I mean, really find Him. He began to lead me through His word. And words that always held meaning began to mean so much more. Words that were weighty, became even greater. Because they spoke to me personally.

During the summer of 2011, the thought came to me that I should write. Not just once, but several times… and so I finally embraced it. I was given a dream, and with God’s help, I knew that I could do what He said. But I delayed. What a daunting task for one who had never written before. But in the fall of 2011, an email detailing a Christian writing contest was delivered right into my inbox. This bolted me into action. And so, writing is what I have been doing ever since. Writing and composing… for God. And I’ve been completely and utterly, impassioned and inspired by His lovely words.

My heart is overflowing with a good theme;
I recite my composition concerning the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer. Psalm 45:1

Yes, I was given a dream. And with all my heart, I believe it was the Giver of all dreams who blessed me with the desire to write. But as time passes, this lovely dream of mine becomes tainted. A heart divided, and too much self-ambition has turned this joy of mine into an idol. And God is clear… one cannot serve two masters. And so, for now… I know what I need to do. It’s time for me to give the dream back. God cautioned me several times the past couple of years, but my heart was too thick and my ears were too dull to listen. I was too prideful. See, it was through the words of a long ago prophet that God spoke plainly. Jeremiah may have been speaking to Baruch, a scribe who wrote out Jeremiah’s words, but it was as if God were speaking right into my ear…

And do you seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them… Jeremiah 45:5

Oh, yes. God knows the heart. And He gives dreams. But when the dream becomes bigger than the One who gave the dream, it’s time to give the dream back. I want to hold on to it… because it’s my dream. But, I’m certain God is saying, “Give it back.” At least for now. And you know the funny thing? As I lay my dream at God’s feet, putting it aside… He gives birth to a new dream. But this one is not mine. This one’s for my husband, who has been given a dream of his own. And so, as I slide my dream to the backburner, perhaps it’s time for my husband to bring his to the forefront. (If you haven’t read The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson, please do!)

Believe me, I’ve struggled with this. Because I still have so many blogs in my head, and ideas within the pages of my journal, and so many things I want to say. But there’s no doubt. God has drawn me in this direction a few times now. But I’ve hesitated. I’ve procrastinated. I’ve been holding tight to that dream. Inside, just like a child, I scream, “MINE, MINE, MINE!” But you know… my dream has grown so big, it looms before me. It becomes what I see first and biggest, and so, I see Him secondly and smaller. His voice that was so clear two years ago is not as easy to hear. My heightened awareness to His working in my life has been dulled. And so I have a choice. I can grasp desperately at this dream of mine, hoping it will satisfy. Or, I can hold out for something greater. And that something greater is Him. And the choice is not as hard as I thought. Because I want Him more. He’s the whole point of the writing in the first place. And if I lose Him through the process, then doesn’t that defeat the purpose?

You know, at the top of this blog it says, “The truth about God & me.” Perhaps I should have typed out, “The embarrassing truth about God & me.” Because I just have to share one more dream with you. I don’t know about you, but I have vivid dreams. And I remember many of them. It was just this past week that I shared one with my husband. In my dream, I ran into Beth Moore (of Living Proof Ministries – great Bible teacher/speaker). When I saw her, I told her what a fan I was. And then, well, here’s the embarrassing part… I dreamt that Beth Moore turned to me and said that she was my fan, too!! Okay… even in sleep, my dream of being a successful writer has overtaken me. Talk about being overly-ambitious! And so, since Beth Moore has been at the forefront of my mind lately, I think it’s appropriate to end this blog with her words. For she has so inspired me in my journey toward God… this is what I read this morning:

“Discontent with selfishness and weary of ego, we finally become willing to lose ourselves to something greater. In doing so, we find Christ as we’ve never known Him and, there, pooled in the reflection of His eyes, startle to discover that a part of ourselves resemble Him.” Beth Moore/Esther study

Jacob’s ladder of success

July 30, 2013by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment

The truth about me today is that I feel mad. MAD. I feel thwarted at every turn. There are so many things I want to do, that I aspire to do, that I plan to do… and yet, a wall. One delay after another. And so, today, I just stopped. I picked up the kitten I’m “baby-sitting” and laid on my son’s bed. MAD. And I thought to myself, fine. If I can’t do the things I need to do, then I’m just going to lay here and do nothing. NOTHING. And I lay there and seethed, dripping in fury. But as I lay there, and sleep beckoned me, I began to think. Well, there’s the cucumbers that need to be drained (canning tonight). And there’s the load of clothes in the dryer and the wet ones in the wash. And the sink full of dirty dishes, and there are emails to answer (for work). And lastly, but certainly not least, there’s my son who needs my attention. And so, I arose. But after arising, I had some new thoughts about my anger. Well, old ones, really, but those thoughts were brought to the forefront of my mind.

My anger. I know why it flares up. I see it every time. It’s when I don’t get my way. And when things don’t go my way, it’s my selfish nature that’s on full display for all to see. And yet, I think it goes a bit deeper… as I lay in my vegetative state this afternoon (which was really just a reverse tantrum), I contemplated my feelings of ire. And I realized that although my anger is derived from my selfishness, ultimately, it’s the lure of success that feeds the selfishness. And by not achieving the success I grasp at so desperately, I feel mad. MAD. And so, I climb up a few rungs, only to slide back down making little or no progress. And so I ask myself, what exactly am I trying to gain? What exactly am I trying to prove? What is it that pulls me to climb higher? And I see… it’s not God and what He would call success, but worldly success that woes me to climb, climb, climb. If I want to be truthful, and since this blog is called the Truth about God & me, I suppose I must, I have to confess that maybe my definition of success more closely resembles the 2nd one I read below.

achievement of intention: the achievement of something planned or attempted
attainment of fame, wealth, or power: impressive achievement, especially the attainment of fame, wealth, or power
something that turns out well: something that turns out as planned or intended

Jacob, the Patriarch, has been brought to mind several times here lately. More particularly, that infamous dream of his… Jacob’s ladder. And I didn’t pay much attention at first, because I thought his story was old news as far as I was concerned. See, I thought I had already gained all that I could from Jacob’s story (since I had read it many times before). But today… today, I saw something new. Today, I saw something in Jacob’s life that aligns right alongside mine. I saw that Jacob did the same thing I’m doing today… grasping at success. And perhaps, he was trying to climb that worldly ladder of success, too. Because he sure did whatever he could to get there.

I had always been told that Jacob’s name means deceit. True, that, but my Bible shows another definition of his name… He Gasps the Heel. And I think this meaning sheds new light on Jacob. Blue Letter Bible (online) shows “heel holder” or “supplanter,” and if you go just a step further and look up the root word of his name, you’ll find “to supplant, circumvent, take by the heel, assail insidiously, overreach.” This was Jacob. The Patriarch. Abraham’s grandson. And perhaps it was his destiny to be deceitful, to be a heel grabber, to be a supplanter, for the LORD appeared to his mother and said, “Two nations are in your womb; two people will com from you and be separated. One people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.” Genesis 25:23

Sure enough, it began at birth. Esau emerged from his mother’s womb, but afterward Jacob… grasping his brother’s heel. Even then, so young, did he think, “Me first!” Me first. Did Jacob know what the LORD told his mother? Did she share that information… that the older will serve the younger? Or did Jacob just do what came naturally to him? Did he enter the world with a me first mentality, and did he feel that he would do whatever it took to rise to the top? Did he care who he hurt along the way? And what about the path he chose? Did he overreach his bounds through his actions? Did he circumvent God’s plan to achieve his own as he supplanted his elder brother? Or, was everything Jacob did necessary for his life’s journey. Let’s go back and see…

Esau was hungry. Where was Jacob’s compassion when his brother asked for something to eat? Rather than graciously fill a bowl, Jacob took advantage of the situation and demanded that Esau sell him his birthright. And as Esau did, Jacob ascended a rung of the ladder of success. Worldly speaking. And the big one… the stolen blessing. What treachery… what trickery… what thievery… what deceit! Jacob actually dressed in goat skins so that he would be hairy like his brother. He pretended to be Esau before his elderly father, who had poor eyesight. And the ploy worked, and Jacob gained the blessing that Isaac intended for his eldest son. Surely this act alone propelled him up that ladder three or four rungs. He achieved what he set out to do… success. He, the younger, ended up with Esau’s birthright and his blessing. The older would surely serve the younger.

But then, reality set in. Oh, Jacob gained what he wanted alright, but his brother wanted to kill him. Esau was mad. MAD. And he wouldn’t forget. And so, Jacob did what most of us would do. At his mother’s prompting, he ran away. And so, he left his home and went on a journey. And darkness descended upon him. I would venture to say his heart was as dark as his surroundings.

He reached a certain place and spent the night there because the sun had set. He took one of the stones from the place, put it there at his head, and lay down in that place. And he dreamed: A stairway was set on the ground with its top reaching heaven, and God’s angels were going up and down on it. Genesis 28:11-12

I love this portion of Scripture. Because this is the moment that Jacob encountered the living God. This is the moment that the LORD God, God of Abraham, and God of his father became Jacob’s personal God. This is the moment that God became real to Him. It’s where God came down and met Jacob… right where he was. In the midst of the darkness and in the midst of the mess that he made of his life. God came to him, and made promises to Jacob. He promised blessing, and a future through his offspring, and God said that He was with him. God said, “I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” When Jacob woke up from his slumber, he knew the truth. He knew God had visited him, and gave him that dream. And Jacob did what he should have. He did what we should all do when we encounter the living God.

Early in the morning Jacob took the stone that was near his head and set it up as a marker. Genesis 28:18

Jacob marked the moment. For this was the real beginning for Jacob, when God became his own. And from that moment on, Jacob began gathering stones. But first, God gave Jacob a vision. He gave Jacob a dream. A good dream. And perhaps it was then that Jacob realized the ladder of success he had been climbing was not worth climbing at all. Because God showed him another ladder… one that reached to heaven.

See, Jacob was a ladder climber. Just like me. And it was Jacob’s nature to do whatever he thought necessary to climb to the top… rung by rung. He stopped at nothing to achieve what he purposed. And he didn’t stop long enough to think about who was hurt in the process. Not until it was too late. Am I any different? The truth is… as I ascend the so called ladder of success, rung by rung, I do the same thing that Jacob did. I want what I want. I want success. And I have a dream, so I lay aside so many things as I feed that dream. I do whatever I think is necessary to further the dream. But at what cost? Because usually, I don’t stop long enough to think about those I hurt in the process. Not until it’s too late. Like my little boy, who sits in the other room as I type. What about him? My dream is good, yes. I do want to write for God. But now, I have to ask myself… Is it for His glory? Or mine? Because it started out for Him. But as I ascended a rung, the next one didn’t look so high. And so, the original dream faded… my dream became bigger. But God’s gives dreams. And the dream He gave to Jacob is the one He gives to me.

Oh, I have a dream. But God’s dream is bigger. And the truth is, until my dream is God’s dream… I’ll slide right down that ladder of success I so desperately try to climb. Before I know it, I’ll be back on the ground. And so, I remember… the bigger dream. I remember a ladder, with angels going up and down on it. And I remember Him. Not me and my success. But His. It’s His dream. Always was, and always will be.

Then He said, “I assure you; You will see heaven opened and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.” John 1:51

Set in Stone

July 26, 2013by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment

“Listen to Me, you who follow after righteousness,
You who seek the Lord:
Look to the rock from which you were hewn,
And to the hole of the pit from which you were dug.” Isaiah 51:1

It begins when you determine it in your heart. When you purpose to know God, then things begin to change. What once seemed a chore (reading the Bible), becomes your favorite thing. You come to a point in which you cannot get enough of God’s word. You pore over it, and it is poured into you. You fill up with His words, and then a miracle takes place… words spoken so long ago begin to speak directly to you. God begins to lead you in what’s next. I believe it was the fall of 2011 that Isaiah 51:1 prompted me into action. How beautiful the verse that directed me to go back, back the way I came. This is the verse that made me think of my ancestors, and my upbringing, and the events that led me to where I was two years ago. Yes, I looked back – to the rock from which I was hewn.

And not that long ago, I was again led to my past. Again, I am looking to the rock from which I was hewn. But now, I think God means something more… I see that in reading the Old Testament. You know, God did amazing things with the children of Israel. Miracles took place, and a couple of times – those miracles involved crossing water. God led His people through waters, raging waters, deep waters. But, He stopped the water so they could pass. He did the impossible right before their eyes. The first time, God’s chosen people were enslaved. He delivered them from Egypt… saved them from their circumstances, and they crossed over the Red Sea. Afterward came the wilderness wandering. It was there, in the desert that God spoke to them. Moses approached the thunder and lightning, and entered the thick darkness where God was. And God gave Moses all of His commandments. He told Moses everything that was expected of His people. His commands were set in stone…

“On the day of the assembly the LORD gave me the two stone tablets, inscribed by God’s finger. The exact words were on them, which the LORD spoke to you from the fire on the mountain. The LORD gave me the two stone tablets, the tablets of the covenant, at the end of the 40 days and 40 nights.” Deuteronomy 9:10-11

I’m sure most of you are familiar with what took place within those 40 days that Moses was away. The children of Israel became impatient, and turned away from God so very quickly. While Moses was receiving all of God’s commands, set in stone, God’s chosen people were turning away from Him. As Moses came down the mountain and saw what the people were doing, so enraged was he that he broke the stone tablets… the tablets that contained God’s holy word, inscribed by God’s own finger. The stone tablets were shattered, a picture of how God’s chosen people were shattering His laws by their actions. You know, in the next chapter of Deuteronomy, Moses was given that law again.

“The LORD said to me at that time, ‘Cut two stone tablets like the first ones and come to Me on this mountain…” Deuteronomy 10:1

Moses spent yet another 40 days and 40 nights with God, like the first time, and he received God’s words anew. Again, God wrote His commands on two tablets – His word set in stone. And again, Moses exhorted the people. He again brought God’s word to the people. In my mind, it’s as if the children of Israel were looking to the rock from which they were hewn. They again had to look to the stone… the stone that commanded them how to live their lives before God. They had God’s word to guide them. And they had the presence of the LORD Himself, as He moved them along the wilderness… 40 years.

Then the time came! The promised land was in sight, and God was ready to bring His people into the land. But, there was another river to cross. Another miracle to take place. And God was faithful. He stopped the flow of the Jordan River. An entire nation of people crossed over. Afterward, God spoke to Joshua…

“Choose twelve men from the people, one man from each tribe, and command them, ‘Take 12 stones from this place in the middle of the Jordan where the priests’ feet are standing, carry them with you, and set them down at the place where you spend the night.'” In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ you should tell them, ‘The waters of the Jordan were cut off in front of the ark of the LORD’s covenant. When it crossed the Jordan, the Jordan’s waters were cut off.’ Therefore these stones will always be a memorial for the Israelites.” Joshua 4:1-3, 6-7

God’s miracles, set in stone. Stones to mark the Israelites’ path, to remind them of God’s goodness, His faithfulness, His mercy and His power. Stones for future generations to see, and to learn of their forefathers’ God. A God to lead them, just as He led their ancestors. Notice God said to go to the middle of the Jordan. Perhaps it was there, in the middle, that the waters would have run the deepest. Perhaps it was the middle of the dry river bed that the people began to tremble in fear and doubt when they saw the wall of water that could come crashing down at any moment. It was there, in the middle, that they needed to muster the most courage… and faith. It was in the middle of a dry river bed that the Israelites witnessed God doing the impossible… for them. And they set up stone markers to remember His deeds.

And so, this is what I do today. In looking back to the rock from which I am hewn, I am gathering stones. I am setting up stones to mark the path I have already traveled. I can look back and remember, yes, God. When the storm raged its fiercest, when the darkness seemed the thickest, and when the waters threatened to overtake me… God. Markers, in journal format, to memorialize God’s miracles… set in stone. But wait, there’s more. May I not forget the most important stone. Yes, it’s true I come from a family here on earth. Yes, I can look back to the rock from which I was hewn in the form of my ancestors, but there’s the Rock. May I not forget Him:

For it stands in Scripture: Look! I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and valuable cornerstone, and the one who believes in Him will never be put to shame! 1 Peter 2:6

This rock. This chosen and valuable stone is the stone. If I look to any rock from which I am hewn, may it be this One. For it is Him who gives me victory. Today, I can look back. I can look to God’s commands, which are set in stone. I can look to my past, and the stone markers along life’s highway that help me remember the great things He has done. And I can look to the Cornerstone – for I am cut from His quarry. I can have confidence, for whenever there’s a new river to cross, or a storm to pass, or darkness to overcome, or there are doubts that assail me, I will look to this Rock from which I am hewn. I will remember Him, and how He overcame. Jesus on the cross is the victory. And it’s through His cross that we can cross over at all…

And as for life… well, there will be many rivers to cross. But thanks be to God that we have the cross.