I’m not sure if anyone has noticed, but underneath my blog address there’s a tagline. At first, I didn’t realize I could change it, so it showed, “Smile” followed by some other words. When I figured out I could change it, I placed the words, “That they may know,” because those words mean something to me. However, they may not mean anything at all to someone else, or could just be plain confusing. So I simplified things by showing, “God & me.” But you know, yesterday morning I almost changed it again! I actually typed in something, but then changed it back. I thought if anyone notices the changes, they’re going to wonder what in the world I’m doing. But you know, I believe I’ll go ahead and make that one last change. Hopefully, this one will stick. “The truth about God & me” is what this blog shall be called. Because that’s it in a nutshell. For me to write about God, I have to write about me. The truth part? Well, I entertained calling the blog, “The ugly truth about God & me.” Because I have to say, the closer I get to God, the uglier I have become. That is truth.
In September of 2010, I had two heartfelt prayers. One, “Please God, send me to Virginia, and SEND ME NOW!” The other was a newer request, but just as deep, “Please God, may I KNOW You!” And so, in addition to praying, I dug in where I was. Because despite knowing that God would send me to Virginia, I knew my inheritance would be delayed. So I began facilitating a women’s discipleship class. We studied When God’s People Pray. Well, my husband changed things up on me. You can imagine my surprise when he announced mid-month that he had emailed his resume to two companies in Virginia. WHAT? That wasn’t the plan, so I can assure you I was stunned. But elated. I was ready for Virginia any time. And let me tell you, I knew God was in our midst. Because one company contacted him immediately, and interviewed him by phone that Sunday! I was crushed because it didn’t work out. And so when Monday rolled around, I was pretty gloomy. I took my son to pre-school that morning, but once I made it back home, I couldn’t even make it out of the car before I broke down. I cried out to God, sincerely, about my distress. I wanted to go home! And then, just hours later there was another phone call. But this time it was a job prospect not 15 minutes from my hometown!! UNBELIEVABLE! By Friday, September the 24th, my husband had a job in VIRGINIA. God answered my prayer.
BUT… which prayer? Up till this past Summer, I thought He answered my ten year prayer request to send me home. Now I don’t think so. Because the newest development in my life was that I sincerely wanted to know God… with all my heart. Never before had I felt that way. As far as Virginia goes, I believe I was the hold up all along. My priorities were backward… Virginia first, and everything else afterward. No. God first, and everything else afterward. It was not till September of 2010 that I ever gave priority to God. Or tried to. That was the first time I somewhat relented. I surrendered in a sense, to where I was and what He wanted me to do. We’ve all heard the verse, “Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you.” We know the words, but do we truly understand them? Because if we really sought His kingdom, all the other stuff would not be so important. It’s only in looking back that I can see, Virginia was the kingdom I sought. And until I sought God, it was out of reach.
God listens and hears. He answers prayer. But sometimes He waits. Sometimes we’re the very ones that hold up what we want the most because our hearts are out of sync. But He knows our hearts… He knows what we want and why we want it. And so, He waits for our hearts catch up with Him. With me, the wait lasted ten years. Why? Because my heart was not in sync with His. I wanted something desperately, and I wanted it more than I wanted Him. But finally, I turned to Him. I came to want Him in my life just because. And you know, when you delight yourself also in the LORD, He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4. And so that’s the prayer God answered. He gave me the desire of my heart and my desire was for Him. And in His infinite mercy, He used my hometown to give me Himself.
Is there something you want desperately? Do you want it more than God? He already knows the answer to those questions, but do you? I didn’t… not for a long time. But I’m encouraged. I’m slowly learning that God is a giver, not a taker. And His gifts are good. It’s apparent He doesn’t want to withhold any good thing from us, for He gave His only Son. So, today, take delight in the LORD, and may He give you the desire of your heart. May He be your desire.
painter's daughter (a work in progress) 