Here it comes! It’s March… and although it’s bitter cold and there’s a chance of snow this week, I’ve seen daffodils springing forth and robins flying. And last week, I heard Spring peepers peeping and my dad planted his onions. Oh, there’ll be more cold weather, but there’s no doubt, Spring is upon us. And to me, that means new life. And I am so ready. And I’m not just talking about the earth. I’m talking about new life inside me. Are you ready, too? Although this blog is called “the truth about God & me,” I’m sure it must also be about you (whoever may be reading this). I think God wants us to journey together… alongside one another. Because He wants for us all to have new life.
On my end, the timing is perfect for new life. See, it was just last week that I decided to go through all my old journals looking for God moments. My plan is to pore through each one looking for those spiritual markers, to log into a seperate journal. And I’ll have ample time for this task, as I’ve come to a stopping point of sorts with my Bible studies. I am, however, still reading Priscilla Shirer’s The Resolution for Women. I thought about putting it aside during my return to the past, but I realized I should finish what I started. So this past Friday, I started with the book. And I’m thankful I did. Because had I put it aside as I originally planned, I would have missed something big. The auther mentioned the apostle Paul, and his letters to the Corinthians. In 1 Corinthians 11:28, he said, “But let a man examine himself…” And basically, he repeated himself in 2 Corinthians 13:5, “Examine yourselves…” Actually, in the 2 Corinthians passage, he prefaced the command with, “This will be the third time I am coming to you,” and “I have told you before…” Honestly, that stopped me in my tracks. Because Paul told the Corinthians to examine themselves not once, but twice. This spoke to me because I am getting ready to delve into my past… not for the first time, but for the second time. And since I have felt prompted to not of my own accord, it’s as if God has said go back, not once, but twice.
After my reading, I opened up my brand new journal. The date was March the 1st, which I thought was fitting – a new journal, a new month… and now, a new life! So I opened up my old journal of 2010 and laid it alongside my new journal of 2013, pen poised and ready for action. And I found something. Within three pages of my old journal, I think I found the reason I am supposed to revisit my past… again. I thought it was simply to find those special moments with God, to be logged into my “God moments” journal. And yes, I believe God still means for me to do that. But, there’s something more.
The very first entry of 2010 sounds like I had it all together. On 3/31 I had a whole list of what I believed God wanted me to do. But that’s it… a list. There wasn’t another entry until 4/5 (pretty brief), and then there it was. On 4/13, I see my own handwriting reiterating what I had just read in Corinthians moments earlier. “Heart – examine myself.” Yes, it’s clear. God wanted me to examine my heart then. But you know what? I don’t think I ever did. Because I didn’t make another entry until August of 2010. It was in August and September when I came to my God & me moment. It was in August and September that I was so desperate that I had no choice but to turn to Him. But as for the immediate time period leading up to God & me…. nothing! There is a four month period I cannot account for. But what’s clear to me today is I didn’t do what God said to do. And although I looked through my journals not so long ago, there must be something more. Perhaps I didn’t dig deep enough.
It was not long ago, I cried out to God in prayer. I prayed Psalm 139. “Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me, and know my anxieties. And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” When I prayed that, I meant every word. The reason being, I thought my heart was upright. Honestly, I felt pretty good about myself and confident that God would find nothing wrong inside me. But you know, it was not long after I prayed this sincere prayer that I went down. God already knows the wickedness that lies in my heart, but He wants me to know, too. And so He says, loud and clear, “Examine myself.” Not just once, but twice. And so, there’s excitement on my part. Because in the first day of delving into my old journals, I found something important. And obviously, I overlooked it the first time. Yes, there’s more to be found. It is with renewed vigor I’ll search my journals. And in doing so, I’ll search my heart. I’ll examine myself.
It’s almost Springtime. Farmers and gardeners are preparing the earth. Meanwhile, through my self-examination, God will be preparing my heart. And once He’s done with the pruning, there’s no telling what may spring forth from this heart of mine. I’m ready… are you? Do you have your journal yet? If not, why not get one. Start digging deep, and examine your heart alongside me. Lets let God prune our hearts, rooting out the weeds of bitterness, sadness, or whatever else chokes out life. And once He’s done with us, may new life spring forth from us all.
painter's daughter (a work in progress) 