God & me.

Me blogging? Crazy when I think about it. This is completely unlike me. If I’m not mistaken, it was not that long ago I actually voiced, “I don’t understand blogging.” And here I sit, mind brimming, thoughts churning, and my most pressing thought? What first? Where to begin? I could start with today, but for me, yesterday is so important. And by yesterday, I mean just about two and a half years ago. That’s where it really began with God & me. I became His child in February of 1997, but for quite some time, I was stagnant. I stayed a babe, desiring the milk of his word, never moving on to more solid food. But two and a half years ago, I got to a stopping point. I felt desperate, to be honest. And this is what this blog will be… honest, transparent, and a little scary, if you really want to know. Scary because I’m on a journey, and I don’t know where it will lead. I don’t know exactly what God will have me write about each day, or even if it will be daily. Just maybe I won’t want to share something personal, but He wants me to. Suppose I dry up, and have nothing to say? Suppose I’m criticized? All those what-ifs can add up if I let them. So, pressing all frightening scenarios to the background, here goes nothing (or something)?

Two and a half years ago, I was angry with someone. Well, with a few people. That’s because I wanted to return to my homeland (a small town in Virginia), and they didn’t understand. I had left when I was nineteen, and at thirty-seven, I felt desperate to go home. Over time, a twinge of homesickness morphed into depression. I missed my family! Everyone who knew me well knew of my heartache. How could they not, as I complained more than a time or two. And so, it was the Spring of 2010 when I felt a glimmer hope. I was certain God said He would send me back home when I read Jeremiah 29:11-14. The part that spoke to me? “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you” – the LORD’s declaration – “and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and places where I banished you” – the LORD’s declaration – “I will restore you to the place I deported you from.” YES! God would send me home! He declared it! Okay, He was talking to His chosen ones, the Israelites… but I believe fully that God can use any portion of His word to speak to His children today. And you better believe I shared this news, that God would send me home, to all those closest to me. But I was met with skepticism and caution at every turn. And this made me angry. When someone really close to me said, “I’m not praying that God will send you to Virginia, I’m praying His will for you,” I went over the edge.

And so, I did what any hot-blooded female would do. I set out to prove to her wrong (note to “her”… if you’re reading this, you know who you are, and you know how much I love you!). But you know what, this proved to be the best thing she could have done for me. Through setting out to prove “her” wrong, it set me on my path to really finding God. This is exactly where it began with God & me. See, I wanted to prove to a loved one that God’s will can be accomplished anywhere. Whether in North Carolina, Virginia or Saskatchewan, I could accomplish God’s will. But first, I needed to know what the basics were. Just what does God require of His people? Really and truly, I felt like I was starting from scratch. And then, I stumbled upon a verse that was truly a life changer for me. It was Philippians 3:10, “My determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person.” Okay, for all you seasoned Christians out there, I’m sure you know this verse is about Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. But for me, two and a half years ago, I read this verse with God the Father in mind. When I read this, my heart shifted. I thought, “Yes, my determined purpose is that I may know Him…” This, my friend, is where it began with God & me. And honestly, this is what we all need. We all need a defining moment in our lives, when we realize that we really NEED God. We all need to get to that point in which we sincerely want to know Him. And the only way to know Him is through His Son.

Two and a half years ago, I was desperately seeking God. I wanted to return to my homeland (the promised land), but I finally came to a place where I could put that desire to the back burner for a bit. I stopped seeking Virginia, and began seeking God instead. And although my search began in anger, I changed through the process. I began to really want to know Him just because I wanted to, not just to prove a family member wrong. I wanted to know Him simply because, He’s my Father. And what child doesn’t want to know their Daddy?

God & me… without Him, there’s no hope. And my sincere hope is that through this blog, everyone who reads it will come to a point in which they desire to know their Father. My desire is that everyone can say, “This is where it began with God & me.” And I’m quite sure that’s His desire, too.

 

 

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