I did something tonight. I trashed two blog drafts. There are still two more drafts that may be trashed. I’m on the fence about those two, because I still feel somewhat impassioned by what was written. I want to tell you why I trashed two drafts, and may trash two more. I think… no, I’m sure… that having four drafts sitting there ready for posting is evidence of a severe lack of faith on my part. Because I began a blog for one purpose only… I was certain God wanted me to. But, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to blog on a consistent basis. Thus, I wanted to have drafts ready… a security blanket, so to speak. So that if I am not inspired one day, there’s something there ready. But what does that say about my faith in God? He has inspired me again and again over the last two and a half years. I have ten full journals. Why now, would I be worried about a shortage of words? Can’t I trust God to inspire me daily, and to write from my heart when I am so moved? Apparently not, because I’ve stored up some words for the times when I’m dry.
And, oh, but I drive myself crazy! Here are some things you may not know about me. I am a bit obsessive. I am detail oriented… almost to a fault. And I love order. I want things to make sense. So, I began a blog… for God. But I wanted it to move along in a way that made sense to me. I wanted it to be chronological and easy to follow. But, God threw a few curve balls at me. First, He had me begin reviewing my old journals. And I ended up camping out on the first three pages for weeks. Then, He led me to something I was not ready for. He moved me to write about my past… the things I kept hidden. I didn’t anticipate writing about that for a long, long time (if ever). Well, that’s thrown off all my drafts. After what I wrote about this past Friday, the four drafts I have ready don’t even make sense! They’re not even fit for posting. I didn’t even want to read them… and they’re about God & me!! And so here I am, at a loss. What next, I ask.
I’ve been trying to write ahead (not trusting God to supply me with words) because I have somehow decided I should write five days a week. Orderly and consistent, right? But why do I feel the need to write every single day? Did God tell me to do that? So basically, I have taken it upon myself to set the minimum (five a week). Not only that… I want to post the blogs in the morning. And do you know what I’ve done? I’ve created pressure. I’ve created a deadline that I don’t think God intended me to have. Because a deadline causes me to force something that may not be ready for posting. It leaves no room for the Holy Spirit’s leading. I don’t think God cares how many days a week I post, or what time of day it goes out. See, quality is far better than quantity. And you know what? Sometimes, less is more.
So here’s what I’m going to do… I will not post a blog for the sake of posting it simply to fill a five day quota. Because if it’s not led by God, well, it’s just not worth posting. I will do my best not to write ahead. Because that doesn’t work. More of those writings end up in the trash than posted, anyway. And more importantly, writing ahead is not trusting God.
I will aim to post a blog only when I am moved or impassioned by the subject. I will not write fluff. And I will always tell the truth. Because the truth about God & me may very well be the truth about you & God.
And, this will be hard for me… I will try my best to write less, but with more significance. Because more often than not, less is more.
P.S. Some of you will get a kick out of this. Immediately after proof reading this blog, I changed the very first sentence to say “Last night” instead of “Tonight.” Because I had every intension of posting this in the morning. I actually went back and forth a couple of times before realizing what I needed to do. Because didn’t I just say I would not write ahead? Didn’t I just say I would post something when I was moved, and there may not be a post every day, and blogs may not go in the morning. I just said this, right? What is wrong with me?? So this goes against everything within me… after I type this sentence, I will publish this blog. At 10:00 at night! And there may not be one tomorrow!! This was so not the plan 🙂