Tag: Jesus

Daddy’s Hands

by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment on Daddy’s Hands

1979 (or thereabouts)

The stage was set. My father was in the kitchen with all his friends. My brother and I had a new joke, and I wanted to tell it in front of everyone. I was confident of walking way with loads of laughs… confident of being successful. And so, I walked into the room and approached the easiest target. I asked, “Do you have a quarter?” I could hardly contain myself, ready as I was to deliver the punch line. My father’s friend said, “Oh, sure, sure..” and reached deep into his pocket for a quarter. But, I didn’t get to finish the joke. Daddy jumped in. He spoke sternly, and told me to never ask anyone for money. He sent me to my room, and I was humiliated. I had to walk out of that kitchen, crushed and unable to look into the eyes of anyone I passed.

As I lay in my bed, I could hear my brother pleading my case. “But Daddy, it’s a joke… she was going to say she didn’t need the quarter, that she had a nickel for a pickle.” Not too funny, huh… but to a small child, it was a knee-slapper. I laid there, crying and embarrassed, and so hurt that my Daddy yelled at me. And the worst part about it… everyone saw. Daddy came to me afterward. He hugged and kissed me, and said he was sorry. He didn’t know it was a joke. So our relationship was restored. However, the damage to my ego lingered. I didn’t want to see anyone for shame.

March 22, 2013

The stage was set. I wrote a blog that I thought was really great. I mean to tell you, Friday’s blog moved me. And so, I felt on top of the world. Friday, I left my house fully confident. I felt successful and purposeful and ready to take on the world. But things changed quickly. I went to my son’s school for an Easter egg hunt. I was there for about two hours, and by the end of the day I just had a really bad vibe. I felt like someone didn’t like me. And it bothered me. Because I’m one of those people that just has to have everyone’s approval. Yes, I’m a people-pleaser.

I left the school feeling somewhat down, and then moved on to the next chore. I had to pick up a document, but the person wasn’t very nice. In fact, he was downright rude. I sunk a little lower. At the Post Office, the person at the counter was on the phone the whole time. She took care of me, but did so while handling a personal matter. I sunk a little lower. My next chore was to drop off some of my paintings at a local shop (to be sold consignment). I had to tell the owner how much I wanted. By this time, my confidence was shaken, and I felt like crying before I even reached the door. I was embarrassed to ask for anything, because why would anyone want to pay the amount I wanted.

So what happened? The confidence I felt at 12:00 was gone by 4:00. And as the evening progressed, I had a sinking feeling that God wanted me to see something. I was pretty sure that I was being chastened because the feelings I experienced were very similar to feelings I had just over a month ago. In February, there was no doubt about it… God disciplined me. But this time, I wasn’t quite sure what I had done wrong. But the feeling persisted. And as the weekend marched on, I became more and more withdrawn. For some reason, I felt humiliated, and crushed… and unable to look into the eyes of anyone I passed.

Today 

God is my Father. His word says so… but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15. In my Bible, I have written out “Daddy” below the word “Abba.” Because that word for father is personal and intimate. If we have Jesus, we have been adopted into the family and are in fact children of God. And so, as His child, I have that privilege… I can call Him, Daddy.

And just as my Daddy corrected me so long ago, my heavenly Daddy does the same today. See, what we do reflects on our parents. I don’t think it matters what our age is. Long ago, my Daddy was mortified that I asked someone for money. He was embarrassed. Not only that, he wanted me to learn from my mistake (or what he thought was a mistake). My Daddy corrected me because of my actions, for sure, but also because he loves me. That’s what daddies do. And today is no different. My heavenly Daddy was not pleased with my behavior last week. He knew my heart. He knew I was proud. And so… He chastened me… because He loves me.

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; for whom the LORD loves He chastens…” Hebrews 12:5,6

We’re all individuals, and we’re all at a different place in our relationship with God. Some may know immediately when they do wrong and God corrects them. Not so with me… I find that God’s discipline is subtle. Chastening is not as easy for me to identify as when I was a little girl. See, my Daddy often used his hands when I did wrong. There was no room for misunderstanding. But God’s hands are not down here to literally spank me, so, His methods are different. For me, a spiritual spanking may take some time to figure out. This past weekend, I readily identified how I felt… lack of confidence, insecurity, shame, embarrassment… but I didn’t immediately know the reason why. And so I had to think about what precipitated those feelings. Then it became clear. My heavenly Daddy gave me a spanking, so to speak, because I was acting in an unbecoming way. My actions reflected on Him, and I needed to be corrected.

I want to close with the words of an older song called, “Daddy’s Hands,” by Holly Dunn. I first heard it at my cousin’s wedding as she danced with her Daddy. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I witnessed father and daughter moving across the floor. My uncle held her tight with his work-worn hands. I think of my own Daddy’s hands, callused from years of house painting… weathered from years in the garden. And now, I think of my other Daddy’s hands… those hands that came down in human form. I think of the hands that are scarred by nails… the ones that bled for me. I’m all grown up, but I’m still Daddy’s girl. And those are the hands that hold me tight. Daddy’s hands discipline me. But I know…there’s always love in Daddy’s hands.

“Daddy’s Hands” by Holly Dunn

I remember Daddy´s hands, working ’til they bled.
Sacrificed unselfishly, just to keep us all fed.
If I could do things over, I´d live my life again.
And never take for granted the love in Daddy´s hands.

Daddy’s hands were soft and kind when I was cryin´.
Daddy´s hands, were hard as steel when I´d done wrong.
Daddy´s hands, weren´t always gentle
But I´ve come to understand.
There was always love…
In Daddy´s hands.

The Living Dead

by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment on The Living Dead

Most everyone has heard John 10:10, “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” Jesus came that we may have life… abundant life. So do we? Are we all living fully and abundantly? Or are we the living dead? I can only speak for myself here, but I have to say I fall into the latter category. I have been barely living. I have been existing. So many of my days consist of me longing for the evening to come. So often, I go through the motions of my day, doing just what I need to do to make it to nightfall. And then, I fall asleep on the couch, take myself to bed, and then wake up to do it all over again. This cannot be what Jesus meant when He said that He came so we may have life.

There’s another verse that comes to mind… “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23). I’m sure this verse is about salvation through Jesus Christ, but when I ponder the first part of that verse, I wonder if it goes deeper than that. Because yes, God wants for all His creation to be saved and have eternal life in heaven. But, I think He also wants us to live here on this earth… fully and abundantly. For His purposes. But sin throws us off course. I feel my life is living proof of just that. I had two abortions when I was young. I cringe as I type that. But what’s done is done and I cannot go back and change it. But, I can change how I move forward in life. Because although I truly repented of that lifestyle years ago, I never brought my specific acts to God. I never really talked to Him about it till this past Fall. And I think that my holding on to those sins, even though I no longer agreed with what I did, has hindered me all these years. That old sin that I carried in the deep recesses of my heart slowly ate away at me. My life slowly ebbed away, until I was simply a shell of a woman. A woman who simply went through the motions in every sense of the word… in every aspect of my life. A woman who did her best to get through each day, so she could get to the evening… a woman who barely lived.

Do you know what God says in Ezekiel 18:32? He says, “For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies… therefore turn and live!” Man, did this verse jump off the pages at me. Turn and live! Although God is talking to His chosen people of long ago, I’m sure He is also talking to His people of today. I’m sure He wants for us all to listen up, and “Turn and live!” But how do we do that? The preceding verse says, “Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die, O house of Israel?” Cast away my sins… I’m in the process of doing that, you know. I began dealing with my past in the Fall, and it’s somehow carried over to now. Because I just made a huge confession on Friday. God’s word assures me that when we confess, and when we repent of our sins, we are forgiven! Because of the blood of Christ, my sins are covered. Can I truly receive His word? Can I trust Him in that, and really once and for all leave what’s past in the past? I pray I can.

I read Ezekiel 37 today. I was totally captivated by God’s word. I felt like each verse was written just for me. I couldn’t get enough of it. I just have to share what I read because God’s vision to Ezekiel still holds true… for all of us. Because you know what? With the exception of a few blessed souls who are really living life the way God intends, most of us are barely living at all. Most of us are going through the motions. Most of us are stagnating in a rut of routine. Most of us are completely hindered by our pasts, refusing to let go and just move forwad. So many of us are complacent… too many of us are comfortable in our bubbles of security. And for some of us, we are dead in our trespasses in every sense of the word. So listen and hear God’s word today…

The hand of the LORD came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones. Behold, there were very many in the open valley; and indeed they were very dry. God said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” So I answered, “O Lord, God, You know.” And He said to me, “Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, ‘O dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! Because He says, “Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live.” So I prophesied as I was commanded, and there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling… the bones came together… bone to bone. God said to me, “Prophesy to the breath, say to the breath, ‘Thus says the LORD God: Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain, that they may live.'” And breath came into them, and they lived, and stood on their feet. (Portions of Scripture taken from Ezekiel 37:1-14)

Do you want to live? I do. I do not want to go through the motions one more day. I want to live fully and abundantly. I want God to breathe new breath into me, and pour out His Spirit upon me. I want it bad. And He wants it for me. And so all I have to do is turn to Him, and I’ll live. I’ll receive His word… I’ll receive His Spirit… and I’ll receive His promises. Because the gift of God through Christ Jesus our Lord is eternal life… and I’ll grab it with both hands.

Hush, listen… what’s that I hear? Is that the rattling of bones?

Faith to Faith

by Pam Anderson2 Comments on Faith to Faith

I stand amazed in the presence of God this day. I am constantly bowled over by how God puts together pieces of my life, and it’s in the looking back that I can see just how involved He has been in my entire journey. All of it – even in the silences. I pray He’ll guide me through this blog journey, because I know there’s a reason for it. I know I’m putting all this out there for someone. He is real, He is active, and He is simply waiting for someone to come to Him. He’s waiting for that one to seek Him with their whole heart, that they may be constantly bowled over just as I am. I feel certain I am to detail my journey step by step, so someone can follow me right into the arms of Jesus. Because you know what… although I became a child of God in February of 1997, it was not till very recently that I came to understand just what it is that Jesus did… for me. Someone else may need to understand it, too.

Do you have your journal yet? If you’re not already one who journals, please start. It is completely eye opening when you look back. I didn’t begin a journal until the Spring of 2010. Now, I have ten completed journals (composition notebooks), and I have just started my eleventh. The eleventh is my journal review notebook (of the previous ten journals). I have two other notebooks I just started, one entitled “God Moments,” and the other, “Answered Prayer.” I wanted something special for those occasions, so the BIG things wouldn’t get lost in the other journals. I also have a journal dedicated to Scripture memorization. I don’t put Scripture in until I’ve memorized it. This one I began in December. I also have a journal dedicated to my little boy. I’m recording special prayers and the things he’s said to me. Perhaps I’ll pass this on to him when he graduates from high school. I also have a notebook dedicated to book ideas. And in addition to all these journals, I have completed three manuscripts since the fall of 2011. All this writing from someone who never, ever had any inclination to do so.

It was on March the 1st that I began my God Moments journal. I thought it would commence with the Spring of 2010, just as my journals do. But I realized I had to go further back. That’s because I became a child of God in February of 1997. This is where it all began with God & me, and so that was the first recorded God moment. He saved me through His Son, so that is the most important God moment. Because if I didn’t have His Son, I wouldn’t have Him. To become God’s child, I had to have faith… faith that God is who He says He is, and faith that Jesus is who He says He is. This is where it all began. Faith.

Soon after becoming a child of God in 1997, I began helping my pastor’s wife with the Acteens (a group of teen girls who learn about missionaries). You know what… those teen girls should have been teaching me about God. They knew far more than I did, as most of them grew up in church. I knew NOTHING! I knew the basics… I was a sinner and in need of Jesus to save me. That’s it. I didn’t know anything else. And yet, I jumped into a leadership role. Now, I wasn’t the leader… I was assisting someone else. But in hindsight, I had no business doing what I was doing. I didn’t even know what I was doing… I should have been sitting in church, soaking up God’s word. See, faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17). But because I immediately jumped into activity, I didn’t hear as much of God’s word as I should have. And so, my faith wasn’t built up. I was too busy.

And so, it’s no wonder that when my husband and I moved away in January of 1999 that I simply fell away from God. Because my faith had not been established. I had the basics, but that’s it. And because I wasn’t grounded in my faith, it didn’t take hold. Over time, my faith dwindled away to pretty much nothing. Activity first drew me away from God, and then, I moved away and completely left Him out of my life. Oh, we did join a church when we moved to Pennsylvania. But my heart wasn’t in it. We then moved three more times, attempting half-hearted searches for churches along the way. However, the searches never amounted to anything. And so, it was not until around November of 2004, seven years after I became His, that I find my next God moment.

When we moved to Pinehurst, North Carolina, I again attempted to find a church. Unlike in previous years, the very first church was it! Immediately, I felt a connection with the people and with the pastor. My husband went with me the following Sunday, and I was shocked when he filled out the visitor card to include both our phone number and our address!! This was completely unlike him. And you know, although it doesn’t really sound like one, this was in fact a God moment… my second. But you would have had to know me and my husband, and who we were at that time in our lives, to see what a God moment this truly was. And what blows me away is that God is so faithful. Even when we’re not… even if we’re away from Him for over five years. And I was, because I had left Him behind.

I’m thankful God led my husband and I to that church in Pinehurst. Because while there, we began to hear the word of God again. We enjoyed that church so much, we jumped in with both feet. We made friends and took part in Sunday School. We took part in discipleship classes and began to hear God’s word on a consistent basis. And so what happened next was only natural… my faith was built up. It’s as if I picked up with God right where I left off years earlier. God did not let me get too far before pulling me back to Him. He remained faithful, even when I was not, and gave me just what I needed when I needed it the most. He does that for all of us.

And so today, I know… my journey began with faith, and it will end with faith. And what happens in between faith to faith has a lot to do with where I am today.

For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.” Romans 1:17

Why do it at all?

by Pam Anderson2 Comments on Why do it at all?

You know… in reading some of my blogs, it sure sounds like a lot of work in coming to know God. I’m sure some people may even think, “Why do it at all?” And you know what… I confess there have been times that I’ve thought the same thing. Because I’ve personally experienced smooth sailing when I floated atop the surface of God’s living waters. And I swear, I don’t think I have ever struggled throughout my whole life as much as I have within these past few years. It’s as if the struggling intensified as soon as I decided to go deeper with God. Oh, I had plenty of dark times before my God & me moment of 2010. It was desperation that drove me to Him in the first place. But it seems as if the hard times have come closer and closer together, lengthening in duration, ever since then. Almost like labor pains.

For me, I drifted for quite some time after becoming a child of God. My husband and I moved around quite a bit because of his job. At first, it was great… but then we moved somewhere I really hated. I was thoroughly miserable while we lived up North, but for some reason, I didn’t turn to God. We moved several times more before I finally surrendered, but by then I had accumulated some excess baggage in my heart. That’s what I’m working on now… getting rid of my old junk. I thought I accomplished that this past fall, but deep down, I know something is still not right. Anyway, I’m veering off course. The question remains, “Why do it at all?” Quite simply, I am persuaded. See, when I became God’s child sixteen years ago, I committed my heart to Him. And 2 Timothy 1:12 says it beautifully, “For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.”

Clearly, there will be suffering. But, I will not be ashamed! For I am persuaded that He is able to keep (guard) what I committed to Him, which was my heart. Not only that, I now have a track record with God. I mentioned all the starts and stops with God earlier this week. All those beginnings and endings. Well you know, I may have had some bad endings… but through each bad ending, I learned something about myself. Each time I started out, for God, and ended badly, for me, I realized something about me that shouldn’t be a part of me at all! And when we come to a realization like that, well, that’s called victory. Because when we can identify what’s wrong with us, we can confront it. And through the power of God, we can defeat it. And do you know what else? On the other side of those struggles lies glory. I know it, because I’ve experienced it. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says, “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory…” This, my friend, is the purpose of our struggles. Through each one, we are being transformed into the image of Christ. It’s through struggle after struggle that we reach glory to glory.

I imagine there is no one else who’s struggled with God quite like Jacob. He physically wrestled with God. In Genesis 32 we read, “Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob’s hip was out of joint as He wrestled with him. And He said, “Let Me go, for the day breaks,” But he said, “I will not let You go unless You bless me!” Jacob held on to God. He refused to let go until he received the blessing. God then renamed Jacob, saying, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed.”

Why do it at all? Why continue to venture closer and closer to God, when all it seems to do is cause more and more strife? Because I am fully persuaded. Because on the other side of each struggle is glory. And because when I hold on to God, refusing to let go, there will be blessing. I will struggle again and again, but each time I come out on the other side, I am that much closer to God. With each hardship I face, I will be one step closer to knowing Him. And knowing Him is exactly what I purposed in my heart two and a half years ago. There was a verse that propelled me towards God, but it was only the first half of Philippians 3:10 that I focused on. I now know the verse is talking about God’s Son. And it’s only now that I can begin to identify with the second half of the verse… that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death…

Here on earth, we will suffer and we will struggle. Jesus did, and so shall we. But rather than run from our struggles, and from God, may we be like Jacob who clung tightly to God. May we tell Him that we will not let go… not until He blesses us. Like Jacob, may we struggle with God and with men, and prevail. And then, it will come… blessing. There will be that glorious Day, for He’s promised it. That’s why I do it.