Calling – painter's daughter (a work in progress)

Like a drum!

February 7, 2014February 7, 2014by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment

Clearly, you are a letter from Christ showing the result of our ministry among you. This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts. 2 Corinthians 3:3

It was yesterday that I felt it. I went to a women’s Bible study and watched this hour long video. I was captivated by every word spoken. And then, at the very end, my heart began to beat. I felt it. It thudded in my chest and throughout my limbs. I could hear it in my ears. A loud, steady pounding. It lasted about two or three minutes. Thud. Thud. Thud. Just like a drum. And I had to sit there choking back tears. I was thankful for that heartbeat. Because it’s one I haven’t felt in quite some time. And this type of beating is not one that merely proves I’m alive… that I exist. No, this sort of pounding reminds me of what I sometimes doubt. It tells me that I’m really His. And it tells me that He hasn’t forgotten me. That He still has purpose for my life. No, I’m not as dead as I thought I was… for there’s life inside me. It’s my heart beating just like a drum.

You know, I just celebrated my 41st birthday last month. I’ve now roamed this earth over 14,965 days. But this month, I celebrate another type of birthday. For it was seventeen years ago (sometime in February) that I officially became a Christian. You know, I said a prayer and hoped for the best. I was moved then, too, for I remember the tears. But you know… I don’t I recall a heartbeat then. So much time has elapsed and I didn’t journal so I can’t say for sure. But I wonder today… did my heart beat like it did yesterday when I said some words I thought I was supposed say? Did I feel a thud, thud, thud in my chest and ears all that time ago? Like a drum beating?

After becoming a Christian, I did all those things I thought I was supposed to do. When asked, I said yes to working with teen girls although they knew far more than I did. Most specifically, they knew God. When I moved away from North Carolina, I tried to be good but failed miserably and lived under a cloud of guilt. It was not till 2004 that I attended church once more. But you know, despite knowing all the right words and all the right actions, there was something so fundamental I had missed along the way. Although I appeared to have it all together, and seemed to be a spiritual person, I was far from it. And so, bypassing a relationship with God, I began to serve again because I thought it’s what I should do. And because I thought I should work, I did what was comfortable to me. I worked with kids. And over time, I became bitter and resentful about what I was doing. Because although working with kids is a good thing, it wasn’t my thing.

And then one day, out of the blue, something extraordinary took place. It had to have been January of 2009 when I felt something inside me. There was movement. I was at church and a friend of mine spoke of a women’s service to take place in February. She wanted someone to share their story. And then the first beat. Quietly at first, but it grew louder and stronger with each thud. The steady rhythm echoed throughout my whole body reaching through the ends of my fingers and filling my ears. This had never happened before. And so, after the service, I knew I had to do something. Perhaps inspired by God for the very first time, I dared to approach my friend. I told her… I think it’s me. This foreign beating of my heart coinciding with my friend’s request was of God. He wanted me to speak in front of a crowd… completely out of my comfort zone.

And I did speak, as I should. But afterward, nothing changed. When the next opportunity arose, I volunteered to work with kids once more. Because they were comfortable. And so, resentment piled upon resentment and bitterness grew in astronomical proportions. Until the late Summer of 2010. Something came up. And I couldn’t sit still as the passion ignited in me. There was to be a Bible study for women. And my friend and I were to lead it. And so we did. But alas, I moved and joined another church. And when asked… I said yes to working with the children.

And so today, I realize something incredible about that heartbeat. Because it occurs to me that perhaps the heartbeat has always been there. Is it possible that I’ve been so busy doing what I shouldn’t be doing, that I just couldn’t feel it? Is it possible that during the winter of 2009, God awakened within me my true heart? Just maybe that beating in my chest was God stirring me. He knew I was trying my best to serve Him. But He also knew it was out of a sense of obligation. Perhaps He was telling me what to do then. Was He gracing me with a glimpse of His plans, but I just didn’t grasp it? Was it five years ago that God called me to work with women? Was it in January of 2009 when the passion I have for His daughters was birthed within me? For I know there are many women who quietly die in church pews every Sunday. I know that they cannot feel their heartbeat… just like there are times I cannot feel mine. And I so long for them… just as I long for me.

And yet, here I am today. I am still working with children. But yesterday, in a women’s Bible study, I felt it. It was like a drum. My heart thudded in my chest and through my limbs. I heard it in my ears. Bump, bump, bump…. loudly, steadily. And I knew. God awakened my spirit once more. He reminded me that I’m His. And He reminded me of my passion… of a calling. Through that thudding, I know He has work for me. But this work isn’t duty bound. No, this work has something to do with the resurrected heart that pounds within me. It has everything to do with a spiritual beat. For that thump, thump, thump I feel only occasionally… that beating I feel throughout my whole being… that’s really His heart. For what pounds like a drum is God’s heart as it beats in mine.

This year I can see. I realize that January and February are times of celebration. For these are my birthdays. I was physically born in January and spiritually born in February. But now I see there’s another birth to celebrate. For it was five years ago that God awakened my true heart. He gave me a passion for His dying daughters. It was five years ago that God called me to serve… but not children as I’ve been doing for so long. No, my heart… and His… is for His girls.

Oh yes… there’s a heartbeat. Steady and thumping like a drum. May it never stop.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 26:36

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=like+a+drum+baby+don’t+stop+beating+lyrics&qpvt=like+a+drum+baby+don%27t+stop+beating+lyrics&FORM=VDRE#view=detail&mid=B2D4844D5F57AB0531D9B2D4844D5F57AB0531D9

Let them eat cake…

May 2, 2013by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment

“He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justly…” Micah 6:8

Justice shall go forth…

Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear.

BUT… no one calls out for justice, nor does any plead for truth. For they work iniquity, and the act of violence is in their hands. The way of peace, they have not known, and there is no justice in their ways. Therefore, justice is far from us, nor does righteousness overtake us. We look for light, but there is darkness! For brightness, but there is none… for salvation is far from us. For in transgressing and lying against the LORD… speaking oppression and revolt and uttering from the heart words of falsehood… justice is turned back! Righteousness stands afar off for truth is fallen in the street and equity cannot enter, so truth fails.

The LORD saw it, and it displeased Him that there was no justice. He saw there was no man, and wondered that there was no intercessor…

Yes, He wondered that there was no intercessor. (condensed from Isaiah 59)

O LORD, how long shall I cry, and You not hear? Even cry out to You, “Violence!” and You will not save. Why do you show me iniquity, and cause me to see trouble? For there is strife and contention and the law is powerless. Justice never goes forth! Why, O LORD, why do you look on those who deal treacherously and hold Your tongue when the wicked devours those more righteous than he?

Yes, O LORD, why do you show me iniquity, and cause me to see trouble?

And so, I will stand my watch. I will wait to see what He will say to me. This is the LORD’s reply:

Woe to him who increases what is not his. Woe to him who covets evil gain for his house that he may set his nest on high that he may be delivered from the power of disaster. Woe to him who builds a town with bloodshed, who establishes a city by iniquity. (condensed from the book of Habakkuk) And so, I have to ask myself, is this what I’ve done? Have I turned a blind eye to what’s happening around me, so that I could increase my own? Have I coveted evil in that I’ve worked to deliver me and my own from disaster and strife, regardless of who may perish at my own gain? And have I built up my own city through bloodshed… is my very own house built upon blood because I ignore the wars and the ravaging of human beings that take place every day… just not here… where I can see it. Is this what I’ve done?

And so, I pray to God. I ask Him to revive me… the work of His hands… in the midst of the days. For behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, nor His ear heavy that it cannot hear. Justice shall go forth…

A big question today is, “Why?” If God is so loving, then why is His hand not saving those who are perishing in the world? And if God is just (and He is), then why does injustice seem to escalate? Why, oh why, are there starving, and homeless, and diseased, and addicted, and enslaved, and exploited, and murdered? Why do people have to suffer and die for what seems senseless? How is it that I have food overflowing, and there are kids who go home to empty pantries? Why would a loving God allow all this? Life just seems so unfair… and so we cry out to Him in prayer. We cling to Him and ask these tough questions. We cry out “Violence!” and at times feel helpless. And honestly, we sometimes feel like God’s hand is shortened that it cannot save… and that His ear is heavy, that it cannot hear. Because nothing seems to change.

But you see… God wonders that there is no intercessor. See, He’s waiting for that one who will be moved from complacent, yet uncomfortable, walls. He’s waiting for that one who is willing to wake up to His call of compassion. He’s waiting for us… His people who call themselves Christians… to do just what Jesus did. Because His people make up the body of Christ today. And as the body of Christ, we are His hands. May we not be shortened that we cannot save. We are His ears. May we not be heavy, that we cannot hear. We are the body of Christ, and as such, we need to do what Jesus did. And so, WWJD? What would Jesus do if He were still here today?

“He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked.” 1 John 1:6

Jesus would preach the gospel to the poor and heal the brokenhearted. He would preach deliverance to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind. He would set at liberty those who were oppressed and held captive. And all the while, he would meet real needs in real ways. Because when He walked the earth so long ago, He was moved by what He saw. When He saw a great multitude, He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick. (Matthew 14:14) And when He saw her, He had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.” (Luke 7:13). And when Jesus called His disciples to Him, He said, “I have compassion on the multitude, because they have now continued with Me three days and have nothing to eat. And I do not want to send them away hungry, lest they faint away on the way.” (Matthew 15:32) Jesus had compassion… do we?

There’s a quotation attributed to Queen Marie Antoinette, although there is no evidence to support that she ever said it. However, I think we’ve all heard the expression, “Let them eat cake.” Supposedly the Queen voiced this phrase when she was made aware that the people were suffering because of bread shortages. “Let them eat cake,” acquired great symbolic importance in later histories when people wanted to demonstrate the obliviousness and selfishness of upper-classes at that time (Wikipedia). At any rate, it strikes a chord here. We can pray and plead with God, “Let them eat cake…” Or, we can be moved to action. Our hearts can start beating as one with His heart, and we can be moved to not only pray that they have cake, but that we also be so moved as to go out and give them the cake. See, He gave us arms and hands. We are His arms and hands… may God revive our hearts and open our eyes to see the need that surrounds us, so that we will use what He gave us. May we be what He created us to be… His limbs.

God is waiting for an intercessor today. Right now. Perhaps God is waiting for you and me.

May His justice go forth…

Complacent… but uncomfortable

May 1, 2013by Pam AndersonLeave a Comment

If I will be so bold as to call myself a friend of God, then surely, what matters to God matters to me, right? That’s what friends are for… when one smiles, the other smiles, and when one cries, the other cries… see, a friend feels what the other feels. It’s as if they share one heart. Or at least it should be that way. Because if you have a friend whose heart is breaking, and you’re not moved by that… well, then you’re not really a friend at all, are you?

And so, to be called a friend of God, one must know what He cares about, right? One must know what lies on His heart. And it’s through the pages of Scripture that we find His heart’s message. Deuteronomy 10:17-19 says, “For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality nor takes a bribe. He administers justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the stranger, giving him food and clothing. Therefore love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” So it’s clear, God cares about the fatherless and the widow… He loves the stranger. Further into the pages of God’s word, we find a sterner message, but essentially saying the same, “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless. Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.” James 1:26-27.

You know… in past days, I would have described myself as a religious person. And because of that fact alone I would have given myself the title, “friend of God.” Because I’m religious and hold fast to a set of external ceremonies with regard to worship of God. It’s a religious discipline that I cling to. So yes, this makes me a religious person; however, I find that this is not at all what makes me friend to God.

A true friend of God would listen to Him. A true friend of God would care for what He cares for. And now I’m seeing the truth… the closer I get to Him and His ways, the more I see that my heart and my ways are not exactly meshing. Because I find that my heart is not in sync with Him with regard to what matters the most. And what I’m seeing is that my outward worship is simply that. Outward. But today is the day, He’s calling me to something deeper. Something real. He’s calling me to what He considers pure and undefiled religion. And not just me… He’s callling us all to something more.

You know, I’ve been so uncomfortable lately. And the truth is, I believe I’m going to feel this discomfort until I move off my duff and do something… I think this unsettled feeling will follow me around until I really step up and follow the footsteps of Jesus like He told me to do. The truth? Three years of seeking God and trying to escape the rut of darkness, and forty-some blogs later have all led to this. I know in my heart of hearts that God is moving me beyond my complacency. And what that will look like, I really don’t know. All I do know is what Jesus did… and I know that I am to follow His footsteps. We all are.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the LORD has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:1-3

I can’t say it any better than the following video. This video is a picture of God’s heart. It should be our heart. May we all be so moved beyond our complacent… but uncomfortable… walls.